Jerry, you need to find god
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
