His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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