so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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