so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
