Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
