it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
