Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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