Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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