420 ftw
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dear god my vagina.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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