Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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