it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
