I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
