Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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