Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
