I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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