dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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