Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
