You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
