Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
