i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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