You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
