Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Houston, we have a blender
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
