yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
