I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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