why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
