There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
