She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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