Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
