Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
