Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
