I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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