YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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