I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
