and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
That reminds me...we need to get swords
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
