I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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