Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
