Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
