I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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