found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
