she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
