We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
