My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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