I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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