I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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