she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
