it was like his penis was on wheels.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
