I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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