You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
