If i come over, it means nothing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
