soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
