Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
