she looked like the before picture.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
