I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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