I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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