your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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