Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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