I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize