guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
