we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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