I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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