There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
