You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
