ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize