I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
