I'm drive I can fine osifer
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
