I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
