She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
