Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
